***WARNING: GRAPHIC MISCARRIAGE DETAILS TO FOLLOW***
I took the pills at 3pm, after I got out of work. I have the next three days off so I just planned to get this taken care of and not return to work until Friday at 3pm. I had to take these 4 nasty pills and put them on the inside of my mouth, between my gums and cheek and let them dissolve for 1/2 hour. This is supposed to decrease the chances of gastrointestinal upset. Anyway, one hour after the pills were in my mouth, I spiked a low grade temperature, 100.0. I called my doctor as I was supposed to report any signs/symptoms of infection. Not only did I have this temp, but my body was shaking uncontrollably. I was so afraid that I had an infection. I waited and waited but the doctor didn't return my call. About 6:45pm, I went to use the restroom and had a little bit of red streaking, and little cramping. Shortly after, the doctor returned my call and told me that low grade temps are sometimes a side effect of the medication and not to worry unless it is over 101. Then I should call him immediately. I told him I was worried since it had been a few hours since he called. He assured me that if I call him anytime from here on out, he will answer. He went over several different scenarios in which I would call, if I bleed through a pad in an hour or two, if I have extreme pain instead of cramping, if I have a fever over 101, if I get the chills, etc. He then asked if I had taken any motrin. I told him no as I didn't want to take medicine and the pain was bearable. He encouraged me strongly to take the motrin 600 as the cramping was about to get much worse and if I medicate before it happens, then it won't be as bad. I thanked him for calling and hung up.
I reluctantly decided to take the motrin and moments later I began cramping so much I had to breathe through it. It feels like early labor, cramping in front and lower back pain. I then had to use the restroom again and am now bleeding bright red with dime sized clots. I sure don't like this pain, but I remembered that I had planned to deliver Ethan vaginally and naturally and have a whole slew of relaxation techniques and lamaze type breathing exercises to decrease the pain. I remember that I labored from 10am until 4am with no medication, just breathing and relaxing. I can do this, I tell myself. But, this time, there is no prospect of reward at the end. This time, I will not hold a sweet smelling infant in my arms. This time, I will potentially only see gray hamburger consistency matter that is supposed to have been my child. I am supposed to attempt to catch it in a sterile cup. I am supposed to endure all this with one goal in mind, to dispel the fetus that I so desperately hoped would become my first born living child.
Father, thank you for allowing the cytotec to work and for me to begin bleeding promptly. Thank you for allowing my bosses to give me the time off of work and to be supportive, even though I don't have the sick time to take off. Thank you for amazing friends and family members who support me no matter what the events are happening in our lives. Thank you for the emails they send, the prayers they pray and the calls they make. It makes this process less lonely. Thank you for allowing me to remember good memories of my mother when I miss her so terribly. I pray that you allow this miscarriage to pass quickly, completely and as painless as possible. You know the plans you have for me. Plans to prosper me and not to HARM me, plans to give me hope and a future, according to Jeremiah. Father, keep your promises that you will give me hope, a future and that you will heal my brokenheart. In Jesus' name, AMEN!