Monday, November 15, 2010

Cytotec induced miscarriage

***WARNING: GRAPHIC MISCARRIAGE DETAILS TO FOLLOW***

I took the pills at 3pm, after I got out of work. I have the next three days off so I just planned to get this taken care of and not return to work until Friday at 3pm. I had to take these 4 nasty pills and put them on the inside of my mouth, between my gums and cheek and let them dissolve for 1/2 hour. This is supposed to decrease the chances of gastrointestinal upset. Anyway, one hour after the pills were in my mouth, I spiked a low grade temperature, 100.0. I called my doctor as I was supposed to report any signs/symptoms of infection. Not only did I have this temp, but my body was shaking uncontrollably. I was so afraid that I had an infection. I waited and waited but the doctor didn't return my call. About 6:45pm, I went to use the restroom and had a little bit of red streaking, and little cramping. Shortly after, the doctor returned my call and told me that low grade temps are sometimes a side effect of the medication and not to worry unless it is over 101. Then I should call him immediately. I told him I was worried since it had been a few hours since he called. He assured me that if I call him anytime from here on out, he will answer. He went over several different scenarios in which I would call, if I bleed through a pad in an hour or two, if I have extreme pain instead of cramping, if I have a fever over 101, if I get the chills, etc. He then asked if I had taken any motrin. I told him no as I didn't want to take medicine and the pain was bearable. He encouraged me strongly to take the motrin 600 as the cramping was about to get much worse and if I medicate before it happens, then it won't be as bad. I thanked him for calling and hung up.

I reluctantly decided to take the motrin and moments later I began cramping so much I had to breathe through it. It feels like early labor, cramping in front and lower back pain. I then had to use the restroom again and am now bleeding bright red with dime sized clots. I sure don't like this pain, but I remembered that I had planned to deliver Ethan vaginally and naturally and have a whole slew of relaxation techniques and lamaze type breathing exercises to decrease the pain. I remember that I labored from 10am until 4am with no medication, just breathing and relaxing. I can do this, I tell myself. But, this time, there is no prospect of reward at the end. This time, I will not hold a sweet smelling infant in my arms. This time, I will potentially only see gray hamburger consistency matter that is supposed to have been my child. I am supposed to attempt to catch it in a sterile cup. I am supposed to endure all this with one goal in mind, to dispel the fetus that I so desperately hoped would become my first born living child.

Father, thank you for allowing the cytotec to work and for me to begin bleeding promptly. Thank you for allowing my bosses to give me the time off of work and to be supportive, even though I don't have the sick time to take off. Thank you for amazing friends and family members who support me no matter what the events are happening in our lives. Thank you for the emails they send, the prayers they pray and the calls they make. It makes this process less lonely. Thank you for allowing me to remember good memories of my mother when I miss her so terribly. I pray that you allow this miscarriage to pass quickly, completely and as painless as possible. You know the plans you have for me. Plans to prosper me and not to HARM me, plans to give me hope and a future, according to Jeremiah. Father, keep your promises that you will give me hope, a future and that you will heal my brokenheart. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

9 comments:

  1. Love you so much Sunshine :') hugs and love and prayers

    Jen

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  2. It is now 9pm. I have been having some really intense cramping. I bleed, but only when I sit on the toilet, which makes it hard to determine whether I should "catch" something or not. But, just now, I passed what looks like may be the gestational sac. It came as soon as I sat down and sunk into the bottom of the toilet. I am interested in knowing what is happening, so I fished it out with a pencil. It is a plum - lemon sized mass of thick dark red something. I am not sure if it is a huge clot or not. But I am pretty sure that it is the sac. If so, thank you Jesus for making it come quickly. If not, please Jesus make sure if I am going to bleed excessively that I get to the hospital quickly.

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  3. Thankful for the medicine working, but am so sad that this is the end of your pregnancy. Have been lifting you & Shaun in prayer!

    I do remember alot of clotted bits while I bled waiting to see my doctor...

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  4. I am praying for you hun. I cannot imagine the emotional pain you are going through with this. It is so unfortunate and so sad. And I am so sorry for your loss. I do understand about missing your mom though and I will always be here if you want to talk. You are so strong and I do believe that good things will come your way. Know that I am thinking of you and will continue to pray.

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  5. Sunshine, so sorry you are going through this. I am glad that you do not have to have that procedure that you did not want to have! Tons of prayers and hugs coming your way. Words just can not express how sad I am for you. Tons and tons of hugs Sunshine!

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  6. At 10pm, another plum sized sac came after some more intense cramping. This time, there was a smallish bit of whitish looking material in it that we figured was the fetus/yolk sac that they had seen on the ultrasound that was breaking up. Nothing that looked like baby. I never bled into the pad, only into the toilet. I am still bleeding bright red, but a medium flow and I think I have completed the miscarriage. Now just to complete this period like cycle. I will call the doctor today to confirm, but thank the Lord it is almost done.

    I did not catch either sac into the cup. And once they hit the toilet, I decided that it probably was too contaminated to put into the cup, so I just flushed. I now wish I would have just scooped them out and put them in the cup. Seems weird that someone didn't give me instructions about "catching" it. Every other fertility thing I was given clear instruction. This one, pretty much was a new experience for me.

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