Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Month 9, Cycle 7, Day 3

Started 2nd round of Clomid today. I saw the doctor and she thinks I ovulate in steps, so instead of a full ovulation, it took several days, so she is increasing the clomid from 50mg to 100mg. I told her about my side effects causing me to be seriously mentally incapacitated, and she prescribed me some Prozac for the days I take the Clomid and Estrogen (apparently it affects my serotonin level). I am panicking though. I HATE that some pills warn of blood clots and death. Hello!? I almost died because of a blood clot that caused trauma to my system and almost made me bleed out. I am not having any of that stuff! So, I will take it day by day. If I can't deal with one more day, then I am done. If I can, then I will try. I don't like panic or feeling of doom.

Father, you know my heart. I desire fully that I am a mother. I know you have it all planned and somehow, I still don't know why or how you make it work, but I know that you do and will. Please be with my sisters as they are experiencing whatever it is they are... In Jesus' name, Amen!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Reply to an earlier post

See this post...then I will give you an update...

4 years after Ethan... "I am so done with infertility. This sucks so bad. Why did I wait all that time when I could have found out of this stuff long ago and tried to correct it? Now I am going to be losing my health insurance (and the internet rumor is individual plans will deny me on the basis that I have used Clomid) and having children was a big reason why I got the teacher assistant job in the first place, to be able to afford the kids. Remember, that was Shaun's hangup long ago! I can't help but be angry at him. I guess it is the anger stage of grief. I am grieving my fertility. It is failing me..."

Feeling a bit irritable today. Pray for me.

Month 9, Cycle 7, Day 1

Started my period today, one hour after I took another home pregnancy test that turned out to be negative. So, I called the doctor and will be seen on Wednesday for a manual exam to see if I have large cysts or not. If not, the plan is to do another round of clomid. I guess we will see if I will have an increased dose or not.

I learned on Friday that I have a very strong chance of being laid off come the end of the school year for my full time job. I have contract rights to hold my job for 2 years, but it sounds like cuts would be so drastic that they would not be returning at least 4 teacher assistants of the 10-16 TA layoffs to be done. I am #2 from the bottom of the seniority list, so I would most certainly be laid off first and not be rehired. Then on Sunday, I learned that my part time job is laying off full time employees, so the part time hours would be given to the union, full time staff, so as of March 5, I probably won't be working there either. Which makes me feel ambivalent about continuing to try to get pregnant by extreme measures. Especially since I can't predict whether or not I would be able to get on medicaid or which doctors and hospitals accept it either.

So, do I take the pills or not? I also had some side effects that I really don't want to repeat. Any suggestions or opinions would be greatly appreciated. Anyone have any additional knowledge about how to increase my chances for pregnancy this coming month, please leave a reply. A friend indirectly suggested that I decide which is more important to Shaun and me; having a family or having financial security. I guess that is a matter of prayer -- Because God has a plan for me, I don't always know what though.

Oh, one more thing...Shaun has a long weekend getaway he does every year beginning March 5-7. How convenient it is that it will be among possible ovulation and high fertility dates...should I ask him to stay home, or should I drive down to Columbus, Ohio if my temps drop or a get a peak fertility reading. Or should I skip this month's chances all together. BTW, after someone asked him (not me) if he would skip, he sighed very loudly and said he would be VERY upset about it, but he would if it were the only way... :-(

Father, I thank you that you have a plan set for me before I was in my mother's womb and I thank you for the experiences you have given to me over my life, even when they have caused me pain. You are an omniscient God and I ask that you provide a clarity to me so I make make wise choices. You alone are holy and worthy and I pray that you continue to remind me that I need only you to feel fulfilled, but I ask that you give me the desires of my heart -- to raise a christian family.

I pray again for others who are on the journey in their various milestones. May their journeys be filled with awe in what you are doing in and through them. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Month 9, Cycle 6, Day 30

Took a pregnancy test again today. Apparently Dollar Tree offers pregnancy tests that are able to test for 25 MIU/ML HcG, which can be detected very early ($1 a test is in my price range!!). According to, a website that helps to analyze temperatures and other signs, I ovulated on day 19. According to secondary signs, my cervix indicated I ovulated around day 16. It sounds like the phase after ovulation called luteal phase usually stays the same month after month, and it was 14 days the last time I ovulated. So, if I ovulated on day 16, then today would be the day I should expect my period, if I ovulated on day 19, then I am testing 3 days early. At any rate, my test was negative this morning. It looks like I will be calling the doctor in the morning to see what the next step is. I am dreading another round of clomid. Anyone have any pertinent questions I should ask the doctor at this visit?

Father, lots of circumstances are affecting my ability to make decisions at this time. I am boldly asking that you are very clear as to what you would have me do. I ask that you put wise counsel in my way and that you give me peace to know what decision is from you and which is from evil or misdirected points of view. I pray that I am unencumbered to hear your voice clearly and to put into practice what it is you would have me do.

I also pray for my followers who are fearful in their current situations. You know the details of each one and I ask that you are clear and forthright with them as well. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Month 9, Cycle 6, Day 27

Negative pregnancy test this morning...but really it has only been 8 days past ovulation, so too early to tell. The last few months of progesterone induced cycles have been 26-29 days long, so I though the early pregnancy test would show... but I also took clomid this cycle and ovulated later, so it is possible that I won't see a period or HPT+ until next week. I am awaiting SOME news. If I don't have a period by Monday, I am supposed to come in and take a blood test if my tests are still negative. If I do get a period, I would go in on Monday to get an ultrasound of my ovaries to see where next cycle will take me...

The waiting game stinks....

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Month 9, Cycle 6, Day 25

Don't have any period symptoms yet and this is the day I started my period last month -- I wonder if this is jackpot time! No real pregnancy symptoms except that I think I am and a little nauseous and bloating.

Just REALLY want to be pregnant. Got a letter from my school superintendent. It sounds like there will be mass layoffs. Not looking good for me financially, so it sure would be good if I were pregnant this month, because if I find out soon that I definitely won't have a job, then I will have a harder time justifying trying so hard to get pregnant. I will keep everyone updated.

Praying for all my sisters (and bros if you are out there!) who are supporting me...Thanks!

Father, bless all who read this and who love you. Be transparent to those who do not yet know you and let someone in their life introduce Your Son to them! In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Month 9, Cycle 6, Day 22

Alright, so my last post said that I had a temperature dip on Day 15, and then I even went a little lower on day 16, but curiously I didn't rise over my cover line, or the average pre-ovulation temperature. so I had Day 15-96.9, day 16-96.8, day 17-97.2, day 18-97.2, day19-97.2, day 20-97.6, day 21-97.6, day 22-97.5. (Sorry no chart last post...I guess I can't figure it out.) So, I was bummed thinking that I wasn't ovulating this month, and THEN....

I have had 3 days of higher temps which signals that I may have ovulated on day 19! Except, I started taking my progesterone capsules on day 17. SO, that means I may have taken the progesterone too early which may inhibit implantation. All this stuff is driving me a little crazy.

IDK but according to, I am 3 days past ovulation, so I intend to test next Saturday or Sunday...10-11 days past ovulation. (Crossing my fingers...I don't wanna do another Clomid round, but I will if I have to.) Then I am supposed to call the doctor the following Monday if I haven't had a period or negative test...she will then order a test and ultrasound to see what's next. By the way, my marriage sure is benefiting from all this babymaking and planning!!! :-)

Father, I pray for my friends who are currently pregnant after loss. I pray that they are comforted by you and that you confirm to them that this will be a successful pregnancy and healthy for them as well. With you in the midst, I pray that you are in control of all that concerns them and that they cast their FEAR aside. I pray that they will see you and give you praise for your faithfulness. I also pray for my friend who is doing IVF next week, that she becomes pregnant with her frozen embryos that you allowed for her to have. I pray that they survive the thaw, they are ready for implantation and that they succeed in this pregnancy. Father, she has had so much loss and spent so much time pining for her children, please give her the desires of her heart and use her to show the world that you are faithful and GOOD! I pray for my friends who join me in the fertility journey of clomid, estrogen and progesterone balancing. I pray that you allow us to become pregnant as least invasive as possible and help our bodies to sustain a healthy pregnancy to term and to dote on a new child. Jesus, you are the healer. Mend those of us who are broken in our spirits, who wander around cautious and guarded because of how torn we have become. Mend our physical anomalies that prevent us from naturally conceiving children. Father, I am reminded that the instances that you portray to us from the Bible of women who have trouble conceiving, that you use their "miracle" children for such GOOD and your PURPOSE. I pray that when we do deliver healthy children, that they are used on this Earth for their good and for your purpose. In Jesus' name, AMEN

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Month 9, Cycle 6, Day 15

Check out that my temps have dropped this morning. I didn't see a "peak" reading on my fertility monitor, but I am pretty sure I am ovulating today... Guess you know what I will be doing :-)

Anyone up for praying that this cycle takes? I don't know how I can handle if I have to go through another 10 days of torture from those pills again. AND...I hear that Clomid has relatively few side effects compared to the other fertility treatments. These last two weeks were filled with:
*4 days of non stop headaches perpetuated by photophobia (light sensitivity)
*extreme fatigue throughout the day and insomnia at night
*random muscular and joint pain
*nervousness and jittery
*severe mood swings (uncontrollable crying one day, then angry and irritable the next, then giddy smiling, then complacent and many of these in the same day)
*lack of energy and unquenchable hunger

Who wants to pray?...
Father, thank you for your gift of medicine, that you can heal through them. Thank you that you richly provide for everyone for their enjoyment. I know I am NOT entitled to anything, even my next breath, so I thank you for your providence and for my continued life. I pray for those who are to be blessed by you in their walks, that they will see that you are indeed the blesser and they the blessed. And in that, they we will be a blessing to others. Help us all to give generously. Of our money, our time, our kindness, our love, and anything you have given to us that we can give to others. I pray that you bless my journey in the way you see fit, and that you allow this blog to be a blessing to those around me.

Father, without you there is nothing. I pray that your kingdom will come on this Earth as it is in heaven. Allow me to be your servant and to do your will. I pray that you will guide every day with clarity and love in all my sisters' and brothers' lives. In Jesus' name, AMEN.