This is a letter I wrote to our family, friends, and prayer warriors July 27, 2009! I wanted to remind myself of my purpose in pursuing this pregnancy during such a trying time. Let me remind all of you the journey I have been on for the last 1.5 years and all total through the last 5 years. The theme is still GOD IS SO GOOD!! I am praying that God allows me to carry this baby (because I know He is able to allow it), but if not, I know that this was meant to be for this timing and His purposes. Keep believing that He is Good!
Shaun and I are trying to become parents, again! We are ridiculously excited about how far God has brought us in the last 3.5 years and want to include you in our journey! Since our son, Ethan, was born and died January 14 -- January 19, 2006, we have been waiting on full healing and for God's timing to try again. I wasn't sure for many years if I would be emotionally strong enough to endure it again and whether I could take the risk of losing my or another child's life. Shaun has been resistant to anything that might bring about risk until recently. But, we have come to a place now where we are no longer fearing another pregnancy, we are feeling God's leading in going forward, and we are incorporating ministry into this process.
As difficult as it was to decide to try again, we understand how difficult it is for others who have lost a child and want to try again as well. So, I find it fascinating that God laid it on my heart to be transparent and share my journey via blog so others may find healing and strength to continue. I suggested this to Tiny Purpose (the organization who provide group meetings to women who have had similar losses, so they will know that they are not alone in their grief and that their crazy thoughts are not in fact so crazy!), and we prayed if this would be something that would be beneficial. At the next group meeting, almost all the members were either pregnant again or trying to be pregnant again. We felt that this is exactly what is needed during this season, so the blog began.
I cannot tell you where God will take me. I cannot tell you for sure if He will allow me to experience similar loss again. I just know that I must be obedient and hopefully through my transparency, I will help others in their healing to see God for who He is and at the same time share with all of you what He is doing in my life. If we are allowed to be infertile, that will benefit others via blog. If we are allowed to miscarry, that will benefit others via blog. If we are allowed to have a healthy child born free from any complications, that will help others via blog. Plus, the blog will provide you, my group of prayer warriors, the knowledge to know where we are each day and what it is to pray for at whatever time. I thank all of you for your prayers to date and for the prayers yet to come. May He bless you richly for your faithfulness!
Anyway, the blog address is http://sunshine-thejourney.blogspot.com/ . I am hopeful that those of you on the same journey will be blessed and those of you who are just along for the ride are blessed as well! I ask one thing in defense of my sisters who are hurting out there, please be aware of your comments to my posts that they are sensitive to moms who have just had losses and may never have another pregnancy. This blog is not intended to brag about me, but rather to brag about the amazing God we serve.
You can HELP us in this journey. We are asking that you join us in prayer for God's will for our future. If that includes children (which we think it will) we ask that you pray for God's will over the timing, the circumstances and the outcomes. We know better that our God is in control of all things and we just want to do as He asks us to and on his timing. You can send positive thoughts our way. You can check in on the blog as often as you like and if you have to comment about personal things, please send to my email instead of on the blog. If it is something that will benefit all readers of the blog, please feel free to comment directly on the blog. You can pass this around to anyone you think will pray for us or anyone who are planning a subsequent pregnancy after loss. Please just try to remember that although we are excited, we are also apprehensive about causing anyone else any more pain.
Thank you again for your time and fervent prayers in the previous and next seasons of our lives. We are grateful for everyone of you!
Sunshine and Shaun