Saturday, May 29, 2010

Month 12, Cycle 10, Day 9

The SHG test was painful. Especially the speculum. And, three people doing the procedure. I guess that is what I get from going to a teaching hospital. The real doctor read the ultrasound to me, the REI fellow (ultrasound tech, I think) talked the student through the process. She was inexperienced to say the least and they had to readjust the speculum and when she inserted the catheter, she didn't do it right, so the tech had to do it for her. Yikes. Lasted about 30 minutes. I was so anxious and sweated all over the blue pad and it stuck to my behind when I finally was able to sit up. ;)

Everything looks good. Fallopian tubes are open, uterus is a little misshapen, but he doesn't think it is a problem. They saw my c-section scar and it appears tight. My ovaries had some follicles on them, but they are not too many to completely diagnose PCOS. One on my left ovary is the one he thinks will develop next week -- on day 8 it was 3.8 mm (I think). Since I had two of the three signs of PCOS; insulin resistance and elevated cholesterol, the doctor said that he was treating me as though I had it, as that determines it, anyway. Shaun's semen analysis had a few low numbers but just barely so he thinks there is nothing wrong with him. We will return next Thursday for a day 14 ultrasound and if the follicle is ripe, he will give me the shot of Ovidrel (hCG) and we will ovulate shortly thereafter!!

After the appointment, the doctor prescribed me to be taken out to eat and shopping after. He told Shaun I needed that in order to relax so we can get pregnant next week! So we did! AHHH! We might get pregnant next week!!

Praying for all you ladies out there. Father, my pregnant friends need to hear you tell them that you have gifted them with an amazing gift. Hold them and let them know that their little ones are protected in your glory until you call them home. Give them the supernatural ability to see into the future and imagine their children thriving and healthy. Comfort my friends who are desperately trying to be pregnant, give them new hope each cycle as we know that your mercies are new EVERY MORNING! I pray for those who are watching with anticipation for results of my experience. I pray that they see YOU and not me in my circumstance. That in all that I have shared, it is for your glory alone. In Jesus' name, AMEN

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Month 12, Cycle 10, Day 7

(continued from post below)

After the conference, I went out to eat with my girlfriends at Arnie's restaurant. Amazing bakery with excellent gourmet cupcakes, if you are ever in Grand Rapids, Michigan, it is simply at must eat at establishment! Anyway, during lunch, where I was seated in the corner of a very crowded restaurant, I received a call from the Doctor on call. (I have to say again that I HATE it when people talk on their cell phones in public!!!) So, loudly, I had to relate my circumstances. She said I could stop taking the progesterone at that time and to call the doctor on Monday to schedule the test and either my doctor or another in the office would do the procedure when it needed to be done. She said she asked some of the ladies in the office and said they remembered Dawn speaking with me, but there was no message sent to the nurse. The weekend was wonderful and I enjoyed every minute of it!!

On Monday morning, I slipped out of my classroom to make the phone call to the doctor. Again, the receptionist told me that my doctor was booked and I she would have to leave a message for the nurse to call me back. I asked her her name, and she told me Dawn! So I reminded her of our conversation on Friday and the conversation I had with the on call doc over the weekend. She said she did in fact send a message, but don't know if it got lost in the email routing system. Anyway, she told me a nurse would have to call me back. I asked her to have them call my cell as I was at work, and also I was wondering about the semen analysis results. Throughout the school day, I left my cell on even though we are not allowed and waited to hear word.


I went home and sure enough, there was a message from one of the nurses, Robin. Soft spoken, Robin apologize and validated my anxiousness and affirmed that she had sent the message out to the doctor and was awaiting his approval for overbooking this week and she anticipated that he would let her know either Monday or Tuesday and to expect an appointment Thursday. I was a bit relieved, but she never mentioned the semen analysis.

So, Tuesday came, and I had overbooked MYself. I worked 7:30-3 at the school, then an interview for another job at 3:30-4:30pm, then work my 2nd job 5-9pm. So, at 8:30am, I quietly went outside to make a phone call to the doctor again. This time, I asked to speak to a nurse directly. She told me I could leave a message. I told her that I had left so many messages this week and I thought a nurse returned one, but never told me the results of the semen analysis. She then sputtered and said she would see if there was a nurse I could talk to. She returned to say that there were no nurses available as it was clinic day and they all were busy. She promised that someone would call me in the afternoon.

Checked my messages just before going into the interview. Nothing. I growled with frustration. But, I smiled and did an amazing interview.

I waited in my car until 4:55pm for the phone call as I knew their office closed then. Still nothing. After giving up on this day, and choosing to call another doctor I decided to go in to work. After I sat down to discuss shift change at 5:00pm sharp, my phone began chiming!!! I excused myself, ever so rudely as those who have interrupted me for phone calls, and there she was -- Robin, the sweet voiced nurse who changed my distorted perception of all reproductive clinics. She confirmed that "the doctor would be happy to see you this week. But, he is only available at 11:30am on Friday. Will that work?"

"I will make it work," I tell her. And as she is about to say goodbye, I remember the other reason I wanted to speak to her about. "Oh, the semen analysis. How is that looking?" I gritted my teeth, waiting to hear of the latest challenge in conceiving our child.

"Semen analysis looks wonderful!!" She retorted. I asked her about the details, but she said there were 20 some numbers, and that my hubby, doctor and I would go over it on Friday.

YAY! It finally panned out.

Lesson learned . . . Persistence pays off, but it is when you finally give up that redemption comes.

Don't know the validity of that statement above, but it sounds like a good lesson to me!!!

Stay tuned!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Month 12, Cycle 10, Day 3

So, I started my period on Friday evening while I was at the Living Proof Live event. At 3:00pm, Friday, as soon as I noticed my period beginning, I called my doctor office to set up my appointment...

"Hi, I need to schedule a sonohysterogram and I am on day 1 today."
"Well, your doctor is booked next week."
"Ok, but, I have to have this test on day 7-10. So, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday"
"Well, I will have to see if you can have another doctor do it, or double book you. I will have the nurse call you back to schedule this."
"Ok, but I am out of town, so please call my cell."
I went to dinner with my friends and left the cell on the table because I so didn't want to miss this call. I usually HATE when people talk on their cell phones in public. To me it is the ultimate rude thing to do. But, I apologized and figured that I would just have to grin and bear it. This was SO very important.
4:30pm "Hello?" I opened my phone, but it wasn't mine that was ringing, it was the lady at the next table.
5pm, we get back to the hotel and I furiously call the doctor office back. "We are sorry, but the doctor is closed for the weekend. If you need to schedule an emergency IUI please call a different number. If not, please try again on Monday or leave a voicemail and someone will return your call within 24 hours of the next business day."
I decided NOT to leave a message at this time, as I was very angry with Dawn -- the receptionist who wouldn't schedule my appointment when I called.
We attended the first session of the Christian conference and learned about God's faithfulness. He promises to redeem us. So, I repented of my judgment of the receptionist and let God love on me.
At 10pm, I needed to take my meds and go to bed. Oh, I forgot, that I take progesterone during my luteal phase and was told that if I began my period early I was supposed to call the office to see if I needed to take more progesterone or quit taking them. So, I decided I would leave a message in the morning.
8:30am, second session began and I was just in awe by what God was teaching me. At the first break I remembered I hadn't taken my meds, but I had to take the progesterone again because I didn't know if I could quit or not. So, at 10:15am I called and left a message..."I need to know if I should take the progesterone or not being as I only took it 10 days instead of the full 14." I said, among other things. I let them know I was at the conference until 12noon, and there was 7300 people in an arena and I may not hear the phone, so please leave me a message. The break ended at 10:45am and still no return call, so I decided not to miss out on the event. I went into the arena and sang worship songs to my Lord "Jesus, he can move a mountain..." and then I hear faint rings. I tripped over the lady sitting on the end of the row to get out of the arena to answer my phone, when it stopped ringing. I tried to call the number back, but it was a switchboard for the entire U of M Hospital. No idea which doctor called. So, I waited in the lobby for a few minutes to see if they left a message...........nope!
I worshiped God some more. "He loves us, oh, how he loves us, oh, how he loves us." Amazing lyrics. I raised my hands high in reverence of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
To be continued....

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Month 12, Cycle 9, Day 24

No indication of ovulation. I should start my period within 2-8 days. I usually get it on day 26-32 when I am on progesterone. Then we can start the new plan...

Semen analysis DAY!!! Poor hubby. I feel sorry that he has to endure that when I know that I have the ovulation problems. Of course, it is definitely a good thing that he scheduled it during the workday, because I have been giggling all day long. I called his cell phone one hour prior to his appointment to give him a pep talk!! HEHEHEHE! And.... HEHEHEHE! He didn't answer so I left him a voicemail....HEHEHEHE! And then I sent him a text "luv u, keep it UP:)"....hehehe!

He texted back "you're weird."


I am weird.


Father, thank you again for the gift of medicine. I praise you because I know that 50 years ago, no one knew why they didn't get pregnant, they just didn't. I thank you that I can have the possibility for pregnancy with meds and other help. I thank you for a husband who was willing to sacrifice his time and dignity for my sake. I pray father, that he has no abnormalities and that we can proceed with phase 3 of infertility treatments.

Lord, I pray for those in the journey who are seeking your will. I ask that you give them clear direction and guidance and you love them where they are at. Thank you for new friendships forming as a result of infertility. They mean so much to me. I praise you for bringing them into my life. For my sisters who are already pregnant, continue to bless them in their pregnancies and to produce healthy living children. In Jesus' name, AMEN.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Month 12, Cycle 9, Day 20

"Hey now, this is my desire, consume me like a fire, cause I just want something beautiful to touch me!"


Of anything else I wanted more, raising a Christian family tops my list. From the time I was so small, I remember dreaming about who my children would be and how they would be used to impact God's kingdom. I would have 3 kids of my own; 2 girls and a boy and they would be God's servants by ministering to others in their community and beyond. They would would have a great example from their parents who volunteered in their church and community and they would inherit passion and purpose from me. I dreamed also that I would foster many children and instill in them the desire to seek God despite their neglected upbringing. In addition to this service to children, I would help their families to be restored to teach them to care for God's greatest gift to them --their children. My own children would be so impressed by my dedication to Christ and children, that they too would become parents with similar passions. My gauge for picking a husband was that He, too, had to have the desire to raise a Christian family as well. Lucky for me, Shaun was willing to jump in feet first

I am so close to this goal. How have I lived 30 years with this dream, and with God not willing to allow me this opportunity? I can only hope that the Lord is preparing my heart more fully for this task. That He sees this calling so great that I must have everything to be in order. I can see the vision so clearly and yet so far away.

Check out a new blog about a woman who has struggled with infertility three years.

Father, please give me my desire. Teach me what I need to know to be the best parent and foster mom I could possibly be and fill me with your presence. I am overcome with gratitude for You. You have placed in me the ability to see good in all things and I thank You for allowing me to be used by You! Forgive me Lord for the times when I doubt Your goodness. I have weak moments in this journey and cannot truly believe that You are not good, but sometimes I succumb to this lie. I pray that my children to be are beautiful ~ they are created by You and are exactly the people You have wanted them to be. I pray that You help me see the bigger picture when I get so wrapped up in me. I know that it is not about me, but about Your glory, Your kingdom and Your people!! I love You, Jesus.

Protect my friends who are on similar infertility journeys, that you show them the way to proceed. I pray protection over my friends who are expecting; that You protect their pre-borns and give each of them a glimpse at how they will be used by You. I ask that You provide special love to those moms who have lost their children, that You comfort them in the way only a parent who has buried His child could! Wrap your loving arms around each one of them and help them to see something beautiful. In Your amazing name, Jesus, AMEN!!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Month 12, Cycle 9, Day 15

I cannot believe that I am not pregnant already! Am I ever going to get pregnant? Was I ever pregnant before? Did I dream this happened? Is PCOS for real?

I'm never getting a baby. Maybe I can convince a few parents out there to let me borrow theirs for a while. I tried to convince my nephews yesterday to come live with me. I pulled out all the stops -- ice cream, own room, no other siblings, lots of money. They all retreated and said they wanted to live with mommy. Mommies are overrated, I say. So really, anyone know of anyone wanting to get rid of their kid?

I told my hubby today that I am now going to be scouring the area for kids who need better homes. I guess it made me sound like I was going to kidnap them, but really I just want to adopt without paying more money than I have saved. Adoption is soooo expensive.

I have to find out the cost of infertility treatments that I am being recommended to do. My insurance company says I have to be preauthorized first to do anything. So, I have to call them with the procedure codes for all of the things my hubby and I have to have tested and done. Then the insurance company will tell me if they will cover it or not. If not, then I have to get an estimate of what it will cost and decide if it is worth it for me to pay. Since I am losing my job and my hubby is unemployed and paying college tuition, I don't know how much we really can afford. The financial lady at the fertility specialists office has not been in, so I haven't got this info yet. I was told she would be there tomorrow. We will see.

In the meantime, I am desperately begging God for a miracle. Please let me become pregnant without the aid of all this craziness! Or at least help me not be a whack-job that I seem to be developing into. Obsessed??? Yes. Crazy? Maybe. Whack-job? Not yet.

Father, thank you for a sound mind. I ask that you help me to continue to maintain it. Thank you for the gift of the internet. That I can send information to people all over that may be comforted by the things I go through and know that they are not alone. I pray for redemption for your children. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Month 12, Cycle 9, Day 10


Back in October I was tested for this and other things, but my doctor thought it wasn't PCOS because I am not obese and I do not have excessive hair growth and she didn't think my hormones indicated it. But, the fertility specialist calls it variant PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). He thinks that because I had gestational diabetes early on in my last pregnancy, and that I have high cholesterol and some of my numbers he thinks this is what it is. I have to do a sonohisterogram (SHG), or saline infused ultrasound of my uterus on day 7 of my next cycle to see if I have cysts and other structural issues. Then take Femara on days 3-7 because he agreed that I no longer should take Clomid due to the eye issues. Femara is a breast cancer drug and although it is not FDA approved for fertility, it works much like Clomid without all the negative side effects. After taking that I will go in on day 14 and have an ultrasound to see how many follicles I am producing and if they think I need it, he will give me a shot of ovidrel (hcg) to help me ovulate. Then he will be able to tell me when to time intercourse.

My hubby will have to give a sample soon to check him out. Doctor said as he was walking out the door, "I am confident that you will be pregnant soon! and you have an advantage because you are young. I usually see people when they are in their 40s and then it is much more difficult."

So -- infertility. PCOS.

Father, thank you for providing me with such a knowledgeable doctor to help me. Thank you that you love me. Please be with those who are reading this that they are blessed. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Month 12, Cycle 9, Day 7

Period week out of the way. Now onto planning for my fertility appointment. You know, the pressure is definitely off this month so far as I am not taking any Clomid. I have had headaches, but it may just be related to the extra work I had this week.

My temps look good so far. started out 97.9 and now 97.6 for 3 days now. That's good. But, we will see. I am hopeful that after just about a year of this my body remembers what it is supposed to do. I got off birth control in the middle of June and hadn't had a period after 60+ days and then I called the doctor and she ordered some progestins to get my period going again after 80 days. Then another 60+ days and I still hadn't had a period. Another round of progestins. Then each month after that I just took progesterone at the end of my cycles to start it within normal times. After 3 months of that and no pregnancy I started Clomid supplementation. 3 months total for that and now I am medicine free. Maybe, oh just maybe I will work on my own. That would be fantastic.

Father, I pray that you show your glory by providing a child for me in this month of no extra assistance. I pray that you speak in and through the doctors at the fertility clinic that they are aware of your presence and power and that they only tell me to do what you have ordained. I pray that you bless me with children abundantly and that you provide stability for them through me. I also pray for my sisters who are pregnant, that you continue to show them your love despite their fear of loss. I pray for those who are in their two week wait, that you provide them with distractions and show them that you are in control of all things. I also pray for those who are unable still to get pregnant, that you show them what it is you want them to do and that you provide the miracle baby that they so desire. In your will alone, I ask you in Jesus' name AMEN.