Friday, November 12, 2010

Sad day

Today we saw our pregnancy fading away. Two weeks ago, I saw a slightly underdeveloped pea sized fetus with a heartbeat of 120. Last week, we saw little growth and no heartbeat. This morning, we saw the yolk sac that was breaking up and no fetus or heart. This is what is called in the medical field, a missed abortion. My baby did not develop after the 6-7th week and my body is not expelling it as of yet, two or three weeks later.

Here is the plan. I work throughout the weekend, so if I don't miscarry on my own by Monday night, then I will take Cytotec which will open my cervix and I should start to bleed within 2-3 hours. If this does not induce the miscarriage, then the next day I will take it again and hope that it works. If it does work, then I should bleed and cramp heavily for 5-6 hours and have a period like bleed after that. If it doesn't work, then I will need to have a MVA procedure to remove the products of conception.

Please pray that I will miscarry naturally or via medication as I do NOT want to have this procedure done. It is too much like doing an abortion and I can't have that on my conscience with everything else that is going on.

I asked about recurrent loss and the doctor wants me to come in to talk to my primary RE and possibly have a workup on genetic karotypes to see if that is what is causing all my losses. I haven't decided as of now what we will do. I don't know if I can take another loss. Today, I hurt. It feels like it is too much. I fear bleeding to death again. The doctor assured me that the amount of blood loss will be nowhere near the amount that I had during my pregnancy with a placental abruption. But, just to make me feel better, he gave me his personal cell phone number so I can call him at any time I feel scared or worried about what is happening.

Does anyone have any details to past miscarriage stories that can help me know what to expect? Please share them here, or send them privately to my I am scared to death about what will happen from here.

Father, today I feel so let down. Today I feel betrayed. I know that you don't show your love only through blessing but I have to say that because I do not have children that you call a reward, I feel like you are withholding your blessing from me. I pray that you change my heart and give me the opportunity to love, raise and hold a child of my own. Or change my heart about having a family. This heartache is just too much. Father, Psalm 126:5-6 says "those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy. Though one goes along weeping, carrying the bag of seed, he will surely come back with shouts of joy carrying his sheaves." Lord, you have allowed me to carry 3 seeds. Allow me soon to bring home the harvest of sheaves. In Jesus' name, AMEN!


  1. Tons of hugs to you Sunshine. I will be praying to miscarry naturally. Ask on ff, tons of ladies on there will be able to tell you stories, unfortunately. With my first two miscarriages I just started bleeding. So I do not have experience with the medicine or procedure. With Emilee, I had a cs. With both of my mc, I bled pretty heavily for about 3 days, and then it slowed down to a regular period.

    Is there a reason they will make you do the procedure if you do not mc without the medicine? Will they let you wait or do you not want to wait? Go to now i lay me down to sleep and talk to women on there. There are a couple who have been through this same thing.

    Tons and tons of hugs to you Sunshine. Tons of prayers your way also!

  2. So So So sorry Sunshine & Shaune. My heart hurts for you. It is not at all a good feeling and it tears your heart in two. I'm here if you need me. Call anytime, I mean it! Through my miscarriages, I had 2, 1 was chemical and acted like a period, just small bit heavier, not too much cramping any more than a period. My 2nd one ended in a D&C which I only had light spotting for a couple weeks, then that was it, my body corrected itself. Either way, it won't be as bad as your abruption. The abruption was so much blood loss because of your placenta carrying the large blood supply. Here, there's not that much fluid/blood to lose. I hope this helps.

    Lots of Love & prayers your way!

    Love Lissa :)

  3. I have no words tonight...praying for you!:(

  4. I am so sorry to hear your sad news Sunshine. My prayers are with the 2 of you tonight. When i had my miscarriage it sure sounds alot like what you just experienced...i was confirmed pregnant, everything was going well and then i started to spot and my dr. sent me in for an ultrasound, they found only a sac with no beating heart :( they let me be for 3 days to see if I would miscarry on my own but to no avail. I was scheduled for a d&c on my brothers birthday and while i was waiting for my procedure i miscarried in the day surgery waiting area..I too felt better that it happened on its own and that I was choosing to have it removed. i struggled really hard with that, yet found comfort when it was done. they still had to do the d&c to ensure that all matter was removed. my heart breaks for you and you have been through so much,but our heavenly Father knows the desire of our hearts and He has His plan for you. Call if you need anything.

  5. Sunshine I am so sorry. MIchelle V

  6. My heart aches so much right now. It makes me sick that all this is happening. You amaze me with your love and trust in god. I am glad you have him. When I had my misscariage it went on its own, lots of clumps and cramps. I suggest a warm bath and heating pad on stomach. Any questions, please feel free to call or email me. Xoxo friend.

  7. hello's regina from Tiny Purpose.

    i really don't have many words right now b/c deep hurt like this sometimes cannot be put into words, but my heart feels your loss and ache....

    i thank you for your authenticity and transparency through it all--Christ is being glorified and seen through this journey....

    please let me know if there's anything you need or anything specific you need prayer for.

    all of my miscarriages ended in i had to have a D and C surgery to get rid of the rest of the placenta....

    the bleeding is very emotional, whether you are expecting it or not. With one of my miscarriages i knew bleeding was on the way b/c my hcg levels had plummeted and it was inevitable. the other two just happened out of the blue -- not expecting to miscarry and both were devastating.

    this has been such long journey for you filled w/so many ups and downs--i cannot even imagine. you are a wonderful mother. please don't forget that. God is definitely building your testimony and making this your ministry--i can see it already!

    i praise Him that you are enabling Him to lead you in this painful journey. i admire your steadfastness. praise God for you!!

    please let me know if there's anything you need.........

  8. I am so sorry Sunshine. I have been thinking of you and hoping for you. I will pray for God to wrap his arms around you and hold you as you endure the next few days.
    I know you are scared, but physically I feel you will be fine. Emotionally/spiritually I will continue to pray for your strength!
    I love you.

  9. Sunshine I am hurting aching and crying for you and I am so loss for words but I want to pray for you I this is wierd on the computer I would rather be in person but I want to pray for you and your husband.
    Lord I pray you fill Sunshine and her husband's heart full of your love comfort and faith, Lord I pray that you bless them with all the amazing things you have planed for them and to NEVER allow them to give up but to keep them STRONG in you and in them selves to hear what you are putting in there heart's and the plan you have for them!
    I pray with all my heart for you Sunshine and Shaun in the Lords name Amen

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