Friday, January 29, 2010

Month 8, cycle 6, day 7

Clomid days 4-8, estrogen days 9-13, then progesterone days 17- when I start a new cycle or become pregnant. Ridiculously emotional so far. I am dreading what's to come... All in the name of baby-making. Hopefully this will help and I won't have to deal with the hormonal changes soon!

Father, thank you for making women so complex and allowing me to share my journey with others, so that they may see Your love and be comforted by someone walking along the same, but different, path. I praise you for being God, the Almighty. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Month 8, Cycle 6, Day 4

Started Clomid today...scared, nervous, excited, sad, soooo many ways...keep praying.

On a lighter note: a conversation with a co-worker
"So do you have to do it on a schedule now?" she asked.
I said, "yes, like every other day."
Wide-eyed, she replied, "That's commitment!!"

Father, you know what is in my heart. In Jesus' name, Amen

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Month 8, Cycle 6, Day 1

Today could very well be the first day of my child's life, technically speaking. Today is actually first day of my period of this cycle. It appears I did not ovulate last cycle and it was only 25 days long. This was a conversation I had with my husband today (with a little exaggeration added for effect):

"So you wanna do the Clomid route starting Monday?"
"Yeah, let's do it" he says.
"What do you think Suze Orman would say?"
"Probably 'you-can-not-afffffford-it!'" he mocks her while chuckling and I laugh with him.
"I think she would say," I say back to him in my most obnoxious and nasally voice, "I see how desperate you two are to have children and even though I worry about your situation, you cannot bank on maybe getting laid off or if he will continue getting unemployment or whatever. It's like I always say, 'PEOPLE FIRST, then money, then things.'"
"So you think she will approve us?" he grins.
"Yes, I think she will. She will say, 'a baby is a people, right? And your marriage is your people, so go for it!! You have been approved!!"

I think I will call the doctor on Monday and begin taking the Clomid that day. She said it would be day 3 - 5 that I need to take it. She said to call the office the day I begin my period~they are closed on the weekend though.

Interesting how we often go to people who are seemingly experts in an area and try to figure out what they may say on a matter. I suppose I should have asked what do I think God would say. I think He would say, "people first" too. He is a relational God and He knows that despite all my ways to try to control the situation, he is in fact in control of it all. If it is not my time to get pregnant, he won't allow it even though I am on Clomid. And if it is, He will do it Clomid or not.

Father, thank you again for reminding me that you are in control of all things and that you are a God who asks for us to be in relationship with you. I praise you for loving me first so I can also say, 'I love you, too'. Bless those who are in different stages of pregnancy, infertility, or loss as they are reading on this page. I ask you to bless me in this next endeavor and gift me with your child. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Month 8, Cycle 5, Day 20

I didn't ovulate this month as far as I can tell. Nothing showed on my fertility monitor and my temps are not rising. I have been taking progesterone supplements 2 times/day from day 17 and will continue until I get my period. As far as what I had scheduled with the doctor, I should start taking Clomid within the next 10 days or so, or on the 3rd day of my next cycle! There is like 85% chance of conceiving while on this drug.

I had known for a long time that there was a small possibility that I could be laid off starting in July. That is why I was trying to get pregnant long ago, so that I would have insurance to cover me throughout the pregnancy. My husband has been unemployed for over a year and is now going to school, but won't be done with school for another 2 years. His unemployment will end this summer. At my staff meeting on Friday at my full time job for the LISD, there was some grave news regarding school budget. It appears that lay offs are imminent and yet have not been finalized. I am #2 from the bottom of the seniority list in my classification. If they choose to lay off teacher assistants, I am assured to be laid off.

Herein lies the dilemma: I am not sure how responsible it is for me to consciously choose to take Clomid to become pregnant when my financial future is not looking good. I know that there is never a perfect time to have kids, but when is there a decidedly BAD time to choose to have children? I am thinking that I am going to postpone the Clomid until I have a pretty good idea that I will employed next school year. If I were to get pregnant on my own, I wouldn't be upset by it, I would just roll with it and figure it out. It is just the "extra help" that I am wondering about. (Side note: at this point in time, my body is not able to get pregnant on its own, and I am desperate to become a mom!)

So, I am soliciting a lot of responses from you wise people out there. I don't have a mom, so any response would be greatly appreciated. I need to make this decision within the next ten days. Should I postpone Clomid and do the natural bit because it is irresponsible? Or should I just go for it because it will work itself out?

Father, I seek out wise counsel on what is your will. Thank you for the gift of friendship and the internet to seek those who are seeking you. I pray for my girls who are pregnant and need your support on a daily basis, and those who are not who are still trying, and those who have chosen to close that chapter in their lives. Meet them where they are and provide comfort to them! In Jesus' name, Amen!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Month 8, Cycle 5, Day 4

Ok, I know I haven't posted much, but there really is nothing happening yet. I am just ending my period of this progesterone assisted cycle and starting to retest soon on my fertility monitor. On day 17, I will begin taking the progesterone (which makes me really tired and dizzy), twice daily until I get a period or day 30 at which point I will take a pregnancy test. If I am not pregnant, I will call the doctor and get a script for Clomid and begin that cycling at the end of January.

New twist: My good friend asked me to be in her wedding at the end of September! If I were to become pregnant this month, I would be due to have the c-section on or about her wedding day! Should I delay trying to conceive this month so as not to miss out on this momentous occasion, or should I just keep on trying and hope that I won't be on bedrest or in the hospital then?

Father, you are still in control of all things, yet I still wonder about how to plan for the future. I pray for your provision and guidance. In Jesus' name, Amen