I bravely told my husband that it was time for me to administer my shot and asked him if he wanted to watch. I was so proud of my overcoming my fear that I just wanted him to witness it first hand since he watched me wince and cry several other times when a needle was nearby. He gladly agreed and grabbing the injection pen, we entered the computer room.
"Whaddya doin' in here?" he asked.
"Well, since it is my first time, I want to watch the instruction video online just to be sure I am doing it right."
"Did you have to download something?"
"No, it just is on the www.fertilitylifelines.com website."
We watched the video and I followed along. I primed the pen to remove the bubbles and tapped on it like I should and I tipped the pen over to get it close to my skin when I saw a BIG bubble move in the liquid.
"WHAT IS THAT?" I asked hubby.
"Oh, the video says it is normal to have a couple small bubbles, it is fine," he said. However, the visions of a brain aneurysm or a heart attack overwhelmed my brain and I chickened out.
"NO way I am doing this now. That one is not a 'small' one, it is kinda big. What if I get that bubble into my body? I could die. Oh my gosh. I want to do this, but I can't. What do I do? What do I do?"
Shaun tells me to tap on the pen to get them out. I tried, but that big bubble just stayed where it was. I started looking around, my heart beating out of my chest, embarrassed to say the least, scared to say more. I noticed that the box that the injection pen came from had a toll free number on it. I decided to call it. The nurse answered and said that it was extremely unlikely that the bubble would get into my blood stream as I was injecting it subcutaneously and not intravenously. I still was uncertain and unconvinced of its safety. She then said, why not prime it again. So, she talked me through the process of re-priming it, even though that meant I lost 37.5 units of a very expensive medicine, I decided I better do it for peace of mind. And then the bubble was gone. She then asked me to give myself the shot while she was on the line. I said, "ummm...will you talk me through it?"
"Sure. Dial the pen to the right dose, then pull the loader to hear 2 clicks. Then pinch your belly and push the needle through. Squeeze the button and hold there for 5 seconds. Slowly remove the pen and replace the needle cap." I did exactly as she said and did not feel a thing. We hung up and I realized that Shaun had just witnessed this entire interchange.
I tried so hard to be brave and show him how much I had improved. He said he was proud of me and wondered if I was even going to give it to myself at all. He figured that I would chicken out and make him do it. I told him that was even more torturous for me. Still I didn't look at the needle while it pierced my skin. My goal for the end of the treatment this month is to watch the entire process from beginning to end.
Father, Thank you so much to the post menopausal woman who donated her urine so that I would be able to take her follicle stimulating hormone to help me to get pregnant. I pray that she is blessed for her generosity. Thank you for the gift of modern medicine and for the woman who was patient while I allowed my anxiety to get the better of me. You know that I desire so much to be a mom that you put those people in the right place at the right time. Thank you again for this opportunity and I am so excited to hear how well these shots worked. I know that You will allow for me to conceive and that it will happen on your timing. I pray for Jodi who is planning on her hybrid cycle soon and ask that you bless her as well. I pray for all my friends who are longing for a child, that you complete their desires. I pray for those who are grieving that they look to you for strength. In Jesus' name, AMEN!