Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Month 16, Cycle 13, Day 28, 13 dpo

I spotted red blood this morning. One time. I took another test, again it is negative. I called the nurse and told her what is happening. She suggested I wait a few more days and see if I get a full flow. If I don't by Thursday, they will draw a beta blood test. I am cramping and think I will be flowing soon, so I plan on starting the hybrid cycle soon. Just want to get it started.

Father, I thank you that you allowed me a day of grieving. Yesterday was filled with disappointment. I am not disappointed with you, but just in the unknown. I know that you know my future. I know that you hold my heart in your hands. I know that you have allowed all things for the good of those who love you. But, I grieve that which I do not have. I want a child so badly LORD. You know that the deep desire of my heart is to be a mother. You know that the loss of my own mother makes this that much more unbearable. Father, in one month from yesterday, my mom will have been in Heaven for 10 years. I miss her terribly. Father, in 4 months from today, my son was born 5 years ago waiting to die. Father, 3 months ago I let another little one enter your kingdom. LORD, loss has become so very much apart of me and I desperately want to keep on living. Please allow me to have and keep a child, so I can pass on the great things my mother taught me. Please allow me to leave a legacy, so when it is my turn to enter Heaven, I will have had a purpose on this planet. Thank you so much for what I do have, a husband who loves me and a deep desire to serve you.

I pray for my followers who have each come to this blog for various reasons. Father, allow them to be blessed by my transparency, allow them to have courage to continue, allow them to achieve the desires of their hearts and allow them to pass on what they have learned about you to others. You alone are the only thing that lasts! This I know!! In Jesus' name, AMEN!

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