Monday, September 13, 2010

Month 16, Cycle 13, Day 27, 12 dpo

Ok, I tested this morning. Of course, it is negative. I just don't know. I had a little teeny tiny bit of pink tinged spotting late last night. In each of my Femara cycles, I have spotted a couple of days before starting my period...even the miscarriage cycle. If I do not get my period by tomorrow morning, then I am scheduled to call the doc and have a blood test done.

I do have some symptoms of pregnancy; nausea and my boobs feel huge. But, I am not very reliant on these symptoms any more. I am kinda at my wits end.

As far as the next cycle goes, I have prepared to give myself shots. Last Tuesday, I went into the appointment and had to be trained on injections. I learned a lot. And then she said it. "Now you have to demonstrate that you can do it. Here's a syringe filled with saline. Do you want to give it in your belly or thigh?"

"AHHHH! What?" I thought. Somehow I had convinced myself that the training wouldn't include giving myself a shot because I didn't need any medicine at this point in my cycle. Once I realized she wasn't playing around with me, I grabbed the syringe, and lifted my shirt, stabilized an injection site and pointed the needle near my skin. "I don't know if I can do this." I said.

"Sure you can. Just push."

So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and pushed the needle through my skin. I injected the saline and removed the syringe. DONE. I did IT!!! The nurse told me that I did well and that most people squirm quite a bit longer than I did. I felt good. And secretly prayed that I would never have to do that again. I can't believe I closed my EYES! hehe!

So, here I am, today. Waiting to find out for sure that this is a dud cycle. I have done a lot of research on my lack of insurance, lack of a full time job, potential jobs that may require me to work without being able to take time off to visit the infertility specialist during a hybrid cycle. And this is what I have concluded: I am assured to have the same health benefits through Sept 30. If I am not pregnant this cycle and can get my period by Wednesday or Thursday, then I should be able to do the hybrid cycle without any major expenses or difficulty with taking time off of work to get to the appointments. So, I will attempt to do this next cycle as a long as I for sure am not pregnant.

Thank you Jesus for the uncertainty. It allows me the chance to weigh my options and then wait on you. I appreciate your kindness and ask that you continue to bless me. I pray for all those who are hurting and those I have privately prayed for these last few weeks. Bless them greatly. In Jesus' name, AMEN.


  1. What a crazy night I have had! Emotional journey to say the least. I feel overwhelmed and just drained. Tiny Purpose helped me to be right where I am in my journey. Broken. Disappointed. Uncertain. I am so grateful to have a wonderful group of ladies who may not know exactly where I am and how I feel, but who truly know my heart. I'll keep praying for all you who I have been. Now, remember to pray for me too. Thank you Jesus. You are good all the time even when I can't see past my tears.

  2. Aww Sunshine!! Even if we didn't fully know where you were in your journey, it was clarified tonight!! Tonight's meeting was very different, but you could feel all the emotion without anyone saying a single word!! I can't imagine after all you've gone through to still have a positive outlook. You are a very strong, Christian woman who I admire a TON!!! I agree, it's being where we are that makes it all come together, this group is AMAZING!!! And it's also nice to blossom new friendships...who would've thought something so good could come from a loss. Tons and tons of prayers for you & Shaun, thanks for all you have prayed for and paid attention to in my journey!! Lots of love, talk to you soon! :) Love Lissa :)

  3. Thanks Lissa. I feel the same about you. :)