Ok, today is CrAzY! I arrived at work to have a surprise goodbye party with my students. They were overwhelmingly awesome. I feel completely blessed to have worked with them these few years. I am sad to see them go.
Then I knew that my phone call was coming and I had asked my wonderful administrative assistant to send my call through to my classroom, even though we aren't supposed to. She graciously did and I was told that my Beta was positive, but was lower than what they had hoped. It was 15 mIu/mL hcG. That is a very small quantity that doesn't show up on pee tests yet. She said she was optimistic, but that I had to have another test done on Monday to say whether or not it was increasing and doubling like it should and then we could set up times for ultrasounds, etc. She asked me which pregnancy this was, I informed her, "my second." After other questions about the medicines I take, she gave me the pager number for the RE on call over the weekend and said to call if I have severe cramps or bleeding. I assume this means there is a good chance I could miscarry. From what I read, it could indicate ectopic, impending miscarriage or just early pregnancy. I am scared and excited at the same time. While waiting almost an entire year, to the date -- I stopped birth control June 20 last year -- I am so glad to see progress, so anyway this pregnancy goes, I am happy that it has happened.
Thank you, Jesus, for your sacrifice. You are awesome and I praise you because you have everything in your sight! Thank you for being the creator and author of life, and for blessing me, yet again with another baby. I pray desperately that you let him/her stay here with me to raise as my own and to teach them to love and honor you. I thank you for the doctor who you guided to give me the right meds and treatment. You are so good. Even when I have had negative tests. You have shown me to be patient and to offer myself to others in the midst of my journey. I thank you so much for your love, without which I am nothing. You greatness keeps me humble and appreciative of all you have created. I am in awe of you!!
I pray first for the readers who join me in the pregnancy journey. I ask you to give them your peace that passes all understanding and that you provide them with comfort and love that they have never known. For those who are still trying that you remind them that nothing is a mistake or out of your knowledge and perfect plan. It may seem like it is not fair, but it is so worth it. You alone, God, are the reason for living. Just being God is enough for us to praise you.
I pray for those who are still thinking about it, who have had losses, who are just seeing if they will eventually become pregnant. I ask that you give them courage to face their grief and to talk with their hubbies and doctors and take steps toward becoming who you have called them to be. It is by your grace alone that we are able to come directly to you and I thank you that you have given me the courage to boldly ask and pray for my heart's desires.
With a heart full of gratitude and a desire to give you all the glory in heaven and on earth...In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN!