Saturday, August 8, 2009

not bitter


I know this journey is not what I had anticipated. I know that in the past, I let the things I have not anticipated control me. I know that you are a God with a plan greater than mine. I just thank you that you are in control of everything. I praise you that you know all. And I thank you that despite my not being in control, I feel completely safe and secure in your plan. I don't feel an ounce of bitterness, no reason to be angry or dismayed. I feel completely loved by you that my period is not perfectly predictable. I feel in awe that I am not controlling the outcomes of creating a child this month. I feel free that you know it all and are working for the good of those of us who love you.

I can't say that I wanted to not be in control. I can't say that this was my plan. But, I am so happy to know that You are everything that I need and life is much less stressful when I let go. I pray for your perfect will, Lord. I pray for children as abundant as you allow for my husband and myself. I pray that they come to us as your will allows, whether through pregnancy, surrogacy, adoption or fostering. And, I pray that my husband is as wonderfully excited to receive them in whatever form they come (as that, I am sure, will be confirmation of your will). I pray for a blessed, long, faithful marriage in which to raise healthy, well adjusted children. Lord, provide me with a healthy zeal for living and allow my husband and me to continue to see you provide for us. We love you and revere you so.

I pray for my sisters who are pregnant after previous loss and ask that you continue to provide healing for them as they are facing their fears. I pray that you will bless them with a healthy child who will give them hope for the future. I pray for those who are trying to conceive after loss that they feel you among them and know that your timing is better than theirs. Wrap your arms around them and provide them with a mountaintop experience that will forever change their lives. Introduce them to the saving grace of Jesus!


1 comment:

  1. BTW, the pregnancy test on Monday, August 10 is negative... I expected that, but just continue to be curious!