Month 16, Cycle 13, Day 27, 12 dpo

Ok, I tested this morning. Of course, it is negative. I just don't know. I had a little teeny tiny bit of pink tinged spotting late last night. In each of my Femara cycles, I have spotted a couple of days before starting my period...even the miscarriage cycle. If I do not get my period by tomorrow morning, then I am scheduled to call the doc and have a blood test done.

I do have some symptoms of pregnancy; nausea and my boobs feel huge. But, I am not very reliant on these symptoms any more. I am kinda at my wits end.

As far as the next cycle goes, I have prepared to give myself shots. Last Tuesday, I went into the appointment and had to be trained on injections. I learned a lot. And then she said it. "Now you have to demonstrate that you can do it. Here's a syringe filled with saline. Do you want to give it in your belly or thigh?"

"AHHHH! What?" I thought. Somehow I had convinced myself that the training wouldn't include giving myself a shot because I didn't need any medicine at this point in my cycle. Once I realized she wasn't playing around with me, I grabbed the syringe, and lifted my shirt, stabilized an injection site and pointed the needle near my skin. "I don't know if I can do this." I said.

"Sure you can. Just push."

So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and pushed the needle through my skin. I injected the saline and removed the syringe. DONE. I did IT!!! The nurse told me that I did well and that most people squirm quite a bit longer than I did. I felt good. And secretly prayed that I would never have to do that again. I can't believe I closed my EYES! hehe!

So, here I am, today. Waiting to find out for sure that this is a dud cycle. I have done a lot of research on my lack of insurance, lack of a full time job, potential jobs that may require me to work without being able to take time off to visit the infertility specialist during a hybrid cycle. And this is what I have concluded: I am assured to have the same health benefits through Sept 30. If I am not pregnant this cycle and can get my period by Wednesday or Thursday, then I should be able to do the hybrid cycle without any major expenses or difficulty with taking time off of work to get to the appointments. So, I will attempt to do this next cycle as a hybrid...so long as I for sure am not pregnant.

Thank you Jesus for the uncertainty. It allows me the chance to weigh my options and then wait on you. I appreciate your kindness and ask that you continue to bless me. I pray for all those who are hurting and those I have privately prayed for these last few weeks. Bless them greatly. In Jesus' name, AMEN.