Still crazy

Most TTCers, or people who are trying to conceive, call this period the two week wait. Well, that is what this is -- two weeks of waiting for aunt flow or any other twinge that may indicate pregnancy. I got some spotting yesterday. It is strange that I was pretty sure my period was starting, and then nothing else. Don't know what that means. Today is Cycle Day 32.

When I was pregnant with Ethan, I spotted frequently in the first trimester. I remember that I called the doctor the day I found out I was pregnant and scheduled an appointment for 8 weeks (which would be 3-4 weeks after that call). Two days later I spotted and was cramping. I immediately called the office and they had me come in for a trans-vaginal ultrasound. At that appointment, they only saw a sac and wasn't sure if I was miscarrying or not. I was told it was a "threatened abortion" and had 50-50 chance of miscarriage. I remember being so frightened at every sight of blood, at every cramp and I prayed desperately for my little one. I don't want to be fearful during my next pregnancy. I want to enjoy every single moment of the little one's life. I guess that is why I want to find out as soon as I am able -- so I can celebrate little one's existence the moment LO arrives. I have come to recognize how precious early memories are when that may be the only memories we have.

So, we wait. I don't know how long I can wait to test again, but I will try to wait so that either I know for sure via aunt flo or the home pregnancy test will be more accurate. The plan for now is to test Monday. Can I wait that long?

Father, please give me the wisdom to know about what is to happen this month as You see fit. I pray that you allow whatever is in your will for me and my future little one. I ask that you are faithful as ever and You provide your loving kindness whereever we go.

Be with those who are following along. Bless them as they are such a blessing to me. I thank you Jesus for your grace and praise you for your love. This journey is a tough one, but You are strong, when I am weak... In YOUR name, AMEN