MISCARRIAGE

Actually is called a chemical pregnancy. My beta on Month 13, Cycle 10, day 32, 17dpo was 5...not pregnant. I have been spotting bright red today. The doctor said that I should just have a regular period and then be able to start fertility treatments again this week! For that I am grateful. I told Shaun last night that I had heard of others who have had miscarriages and their doctors told them to wait 3 months for emotional healing. I told him there was no way I was waiting. We have been waiting 5+ years for a baby. We have dealt with pregnancy loss. We will do this grieving while we are trying again. Even if the doctor told us we should wait, I was planning on requiring him to give me very well researched reasons why we shouldn't try right away. Thank you Lord for not forcing me to press this issue.

As soon as I know which day is day 1 of my period, today or tomorrow, I will call the fertility clinic for a day 14 ultrasound and start taking Femara on days 3-7. We will check out those follicles on day 14 and do another shot of hCG if it is ready.

I feel so very blessed to have achieved pregnancy. It is refreshing to know that my body is able to do it. Now, I pray that the Lord allows me to KEEP the next one. But, no matter what, HE IS STILL GOOD!!! Reminds me of this song...check it out!

Father, You are wonderful. Your name fills the Earth no matter what my situation is. I am so in awe of your creation. Of how careful every single detail of every single thing is made. I thank you for the opportunity to have carried two of your creations. You knit them together and are holding both my Ethan and little Plato.

Thank you for giving me the venue to share my story with so many. Have them see that you are beyond all understanding and that your love alone is sufficient. But, that you gave me the desire to be a parent and that you will fulfill it and redeem me for my losses. For these losses are your gain. As I was a child, I thought, I am going to have many children because what better way to bring people to you than to birth them myself. I never thought I would do so by sending them directly into your arms, but I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to experience life inside me. I don't want to have many miscarriages and losses, but I want to fill your kingdom with your children. Help me to teach others about your goodness and grace and to show that you are the only way!!!!

Be with those who are pregnant and are worrying. Help them to know and be assured that you will sustain their pregnancies. Help those still trying that they are given new spirit each month. Help those who are still deciding to try to have courage and faith in you. In Jesus' name, Amen.